I get a lot of questions about how appropriate it is for minors to date each other. Sometimes, I get asked about minors dating way older people. While I try my best to answer these questions, there are other things that we should probably think about in this whole dating or no dating situation.
Dating Requires Maturity
Unpopular opinion, but if we’re really talking about dating, maturity is an important part of it. Do you know the people who aren’t so mature? Most 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, even 16-year olds. It is tough for adults to date, and no, it isn’t tough for adults because they never tried dating early.
Dating simply requires more than an average minor might have in them.
I will say this, though, if your parents are okay with it and you think you can handle dating, there is no reason you should not go for it.
Except…
I Hope You Understand The Definition of Dating
Dating is a form of courtship. Courtship is a stage in a romantic relationship where two people assess each other for a long-term intimate (i.e., sexual) and committed relationship in the future, sometimes even marriage. When you’re dating, you’re getting to know all about the other person romantically.
I am all for supporting people’s decisions, kids included. However, do you really want to be thinking about a long-term romantic situation when you have not learned so much about yourself first? Or even the other person?
What If They Like Each Other…
I like a lot of people that I am not dating. We all learn that liking (or loving) someone isn’t enough to build a courtship or dating experience. Let’s not forget that any 12-year-old could wake up one morning and decide that they do not like the other person that way anymore.
That’s just it.
Since minors are, well, minors, they’re still at a development stage where they cannot really say what they like, love, or enjoy so conclusively yet. Maybe dating early could serve as a great learning experience, you know, hands-on and practical learning about what it means to date. But, there might be some emotional or psychological damage to the other kid in the picture.
That’s why I will suggest a better approach for when you like each other a little or a lot…
Try Cultivating A Deep Friendship First
A friendship can graduate into something more. Starting with a friendship does not hurt the chances of a future romance.
Be friends first.
When you like someone a lot, start with being friends. A friendship involves getting to know someone else on a deeper level. Dating might be fanfare and lovey-dovey moments, but friendship is the real deal. As friends, you will learn what makes the other person tick, their likes and dislikes, their deepest hopes and cringe moments, and their sad stories; plus, you get to learn how reliable you can be for each other.
When you like each other a lot, it makes sense to learn as much as possible about them with the least pressure and expectations.
You Might Be Mistaking Friendship for Dating
Sometimes, minors are really in a friendship, without romance, but refer to it as dating. Try to determine whether you’re in a friendship or dating relationship. In most friendships, people are more focused on talking about their day, activities, plans for the weekend, and schoolwork. The deeper friendships go, the more stuff friends feel comfortable sharing.
On the other hand, dating usually involves creating perfect moments with each other, calling each other just because you want to hear them talk, sometimes hiding the fact that you are dating from everyone else (lol), and the need/demand for exclusivity.
Replace Dating with Friendship As A Minor
There’s a chance that you do not really know if you like them as dates or as friends. Most of the time, people who start dating first rarely end up as friends. But, people who are friends first can easily get to dating each other, and depending on how deep their friendship runs, they could stay friends even after a break-up.
Learning to be a friend is significantly more rewarding than learning how to be a date. As a minor between the ages of 10 and 17, you can learn more about other people by being friends first.
I hope this helps!