From my experience, you should not push things beyond a certain point. You know, like when you know you shouldn’t take an extra pizza slice or another muffin because you’re too full. If you go against better judgment and do so, you’ll likely be sorry.
Often, we hurt the people closest to us without intending for that to happen. What happens after someone’s told you that you’ve hurt them is super important. This piece will show you the one thing you should do even if you’re not so sure you’ve hurt that person.
Getting Hurt
Has someone ever told you that you hurt them, and you completely disagreed? Sometimes, you might disagree because, deep down, you believe you could never hurt them. Other times, you cannot believe that they would be hurt by something as small or minor as what’s happened.
Either way, it’s always difficult to handle situations like that because those people you’ve hurt might as well be on another planet right then; you just can’t relate to their pain.
You can hurt someone physically or emotionally. Both kinds of hurt lead to painful emotions. Some people might argue that physical hurt is easier to handle than emotional hurt. It’s never the same for everyone. However, when it’s physical hurt, it’s easy for the person causing the hurt to see how they’ve hurt the other person; when it’s emotional hurt, it is more challenging.
Emotional Hurt Looks Different For Everyone
Even when you’re unsure that you hurt someone, the one thing to do isto apologize. You should apologize even when you’re not convinced you hurt that person because emotional hurt looks different for everyone.
How (or how often) you get hurt is never the same for even your best friend or sibling.
You might decide that waiting for an extra 20 or 30 minutes is no big deal while someone else feels insulted by it. Different strokes for different folks. Everyone is entitled to the way they feel, and although how they feel may not be consistent with how you (think you might) feel in the same situation, how they feel matters to them.
Apologizing Even When You’re Unsure
It can be rea—lly challenging to do this. Who doesn’t feel once in a while like apologizing also means that you’ve lost all your credibility on these streets?
Just kidding.
But, seriously, it is hard enough to apologize when you know you’ve hurt someone. However, it is twice as hard when you’re not even convinced. The point of this whole post is to tell you this,
Apologize anyway.
Again, you should apologize anyway because apologies are not for you; they’re for the person you have wronged. They’re for them because you want to maintain the friendship or relationship you have with them, and if they open up to you about your hurting them, don’t throw it in their face.
If you’re shooting for the most mature conversation about what has happened, you could ask them deep questions about how they feel. You’re not asking these questions so that you can pick out something wrong with the way they’re thinking about the situation. Instead, you’re asking those deep questions because you want to see the situation they have been hurt by the way they see it –nothing more.
When you’re unconvinced you’ve hurt that person, you also cannot let that on in the middle of your apology. No, I’m sorry, but you… or I’m sorry although I don’t… No. None of that at all. Keep it plain and try to be as sincere as possible. By the time you ask them deep questions, you will find how their experience of your actions has led to getting hurt. You will learn a lot about communicating, interacting, and being with people better when you’re just focused on asking, how did I hurt you.
Get this; I cannot assure you that it’ll make sense. Matter of fact, half the time, you might think it’s all crazy, but it isn’t; it is only someone else’s experience, and unless you’re going to look down on that, what else do you plan to do but accept it?
Don’t Worry, You Get To Speak Your Piece Too.
The sweet spot is figuring out how to speak your piece while respecting the other person’s emotions.
Already, asking them deep questions about how you’ve made them feel shows that you are interested in learning to be better. They will feel heard and when you have apologized a couple of times, ask if they would be interested in your experience of the whole situation.
Of course, the chance to speak your piece is not a chance to avoid taking responsibility for how you’ve made them feel. If you imply that you’re not responsible, stop yourself because it would only mean that your apology is not sincere.
The whole point of speaking your piece is to give the other person your perspective. Same as when you got their perspective by asking questions, gradually show them how the situation unfolded in your mind, which led to your not being convinced that you hurt them.
Remember to wrap your piece up by re-affirming that you realize now that your perspective was off, and you will try your best not to harm them in that way again.
I hope this helps!