Rosy retrospection…seeing the past through rose-colored glasses. These are some expressions for one simple phenomenon; wishing we could return to a better time in the past.
Usually, that better time in the past is recalled with many positive emotions and only traces (if any) of negative ones.
Yet, should we really wish we could go back?
Is What You Remember About How Things Were True?
This is a question that many people do not ask in the middle of those thoughts. It’s a rose-colored view, remember? It feels good, but if you literally looked out of your window through rose-colored glasses, would what you’re seeing be all exact?
The correct answer’s NO. Some things will undoubtedly appear a different color, for starters.
We like to romanticize the past, but what we think about the past from the present often lacks all the details. We remember the nice stuff and conveniently leave out any negatives. That is the usual pattern.
Why and How Do We Do It?
Psychologists have tried to explain why we wish things could go back to how they were. They’ve tried to understand this desire by studying how people process their thoughts and writing several papers about it.
Many of these studies start by asking why people insist that “the way things were” is better than how it is now?
Three possibilities have been found. People think this way because;
- They regret the steps they took that have led them to where they are in the present
- Even if there were strong (even negative) emotions from the past, those emotions have faded, leaving only the person’s dissociated views (of themselves) from that period; they likely think they prefer those views to their present views
- When people remember, for example, that they thought an event they attended in the past was great, they don’t remember what they compared that event to at the time; if the same event does not trigger the same review in the present, they believe things were better back when they thought the event was great.
Notice that none of these possibilities account for the whole picture?
Are We Lying To Ourselves When We Wish for the Past?
You will get different answers to this question depending on who you ask. People don’t wish for all of their past; some are just painful enough for them to be glad they’ve moved on.
People wish for small pockets of the past that they consider good, pleasant, innocent, laid-back, and positive. No pocket of the past that is entirely good, nice, laid-back without negativity. If you got pulled over and got to an event late, you might not remember getting pulled over if the event ended nicely. You’ll remember the good times you had at that event but was that all that happened? Nope!
The short answer is, yes, we’re lying to ourselves. The longer answer is;
It’s not that we want to lie to ourselves; we cannot resist comparing small, medium, and significant events in the present with pastimes that we feel are better than the present.
In a way, we’re trying to cope with a simple reality: nothing lasts forever. Time’s always ticking…
Miserable Children and Wistful Grown-Ups
One of the most common wishes is to return to a much younger, carefree age. This nostalgia typically hits when you think about paying bills, writing higher-level exams, or moving out! You want to go back to when you’d walk in the house, dinner’s served, or your laundry’s been handled.
Was that all that happened when you were younger? Nope.
Children and teenagers are often more miserable than they remember as they grow older. So, the next time you take a trip down memory lane, do not let the fact that you miss specific moments from your childhood lead you to believe it was a better time. It’ll be a conclusion that is full of errors.
Choose to be Limitless
Embracing the present can be difficult sometimes. On the other hand, leaning too much on believing that there were better times in the past can limit you in the present. It can limit your ability to show up for yourself in the present.
Embracing the present keeps you grounded; keep your eyes on whatever your present goal for your life is. To be genuinely limitless, you want to remember the past with as many fond memories as possible and stick with the present, where you can achieve much more for yourself and the people you love.
Choose to be limitless.
I hope this helps!