• December 2, 2023

It’s okay to take time to figure it out.

Your sexuality isn’t always super obvious in the beginning. Although you do not control it per se, you can learn new things about yourself over time that impact the label you use for your sexuality. This article is also permission for you to go ahead and experiment with different labels because not knowing right away IS TOTALLY FINE!!

Read on to learn more about why it’s okay.

Sexual Orientation and Puberty

Adolescence and young adulthood isn’t necessarily the beginning of the physical attraction and romantic love but the hormone influx certainly gives these personal attributes a boost in terms of priority for a given individual.


The changes during puberty usually involve shifts in the body and mind of every growing kid. One of the areas of their life that is impacted is the frequency and intensity of attraction. It makes sense that they pay close attention to these changes. Sometimes it takes this boost in attraction to find ones sexuality but quite often people know FAR before due to romantic attractions and self awareness in youth. In the end identifying your sexuality at EITHER times are COMPLETELY fine.

You’re at that age where you should learn from everything, including yourself.

When Do I “Know” What I Am?

The when happens a little differently from one person to the next. Some kids know as early as possible with their first childhood crushes, while others know when they’re halfway through their teens. Even if a teenager discovers early that they’re bisexual, their preference could shift between a more same-sex than opposite-sex attraction or vice versa throughout their adult years (or vise versa).

All of this means that the question of when you know your sexual orientation does not always have a straight answer. I would like you to keep in mind that you do not choose who you’re attracted to, so you might as well learn everything you can about who you’re attracted to and not worry about what your label is; let it come naturally.

If Everyone Seems To Have It All Figured Out…

The truth: very few actually do. Sure, they might have some days where they are sure of many things, but the one thing you should learn is how uncertain life is in general and how quickly things can change both externally and within yourself.

One day, you think you know, and the next, you’re not so sure AND THAT’S OK

I will tell you a simple antidote for when you start feeling like everyone else knows what they are and you think you never will. Trust yourself.

That antidote is simple enough but hardly easy or straightforward to apply. A lot of the anxiety and lack of clarity you might feel once in a while regarding your sexuality is built up by focusing too much on things outside yourself. What people are saying, what people are doing, and so on.


If you’ve discovered you might be gay, bisexual, pan, omni, ect there’s a high chance that you’re also in a predominantly heterosexual environment. As a result, what you see outside conflicts with what you know to be true inside you. At first, you might panic and reject what you think is going on. Judging by how much heterosexual couples outnumber gay couples all the time, you will feel like there’s definitely something wrong with you.

Trust yourself.

It’s the only antidote because, again, you cannot control or choose who you’re attracted to, and the sooner you realize this, the better. Let’s face it, those what am I? doubts and questions plague heterosexual people less than it plagues members of the LGBTQ+ community. What’s really going on here is that you’re part of the minority if you don’t identify as straight, not part of the problem.

If there’s something you do today, it should be this, realize that if you’re not part of the majority, you belong to yourself and likely others who share similar experiences with you; the bottom line is, you’re not missing out on some figured-out existence regarding sexual orientation.

It’s OK If You Do Not Know Your Sexuality Perfectly


We can agree that your sexuality is your personal space, right? Not your parents’ or friends’ or relatives’, just your personal space. Often, I think to myself as people sit around and discuss other people’s sexualities: “what a weird thing to think about, that’s like giving opinions on other people blood type.”

But, it should not matter…

We get to live with ourselves, and depending on how much attention you’ve paid to yourself, you will either love your personal journey or hate it. You can start practicing being more compassionate toward yourself and your journey to understanding your sexuality. Show up every day, learn something new about yourself, and keep going.

I hope this helps!

Desmond utilizes his knowledge of education policy from his undergrad, his Masters of Education from Johns Hopkins, and a variety of advanced certifications such as CHPC and LWT to construct prime academic intervention programs and homework/executive functioning support for all his students.

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